05: Darnyelle A Jervey: Incredible One Enterprises

Melinda:             My guest today is Darnyelle Jervey. Darnyelle is all about results. Her super-shero power is to grow businesses. She's the CEO of Incredible One Enterprises and she has amazing numbers to share. Darnyelle says she's helped grow her clients' businesses by an average of 50-600%, in 12 months. That's amazing. And when it comes down to it, she says your success is dictated by three things: People, profit or process. Welcome to Wings, Darnyelle.
Darnyell:             Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here, Melinda. Thank you.
Melinda:             Oh, it's great. Well I mean you work with so many female, small business owners and entrepreneurs. I am fascinated to learn from you, what are the biggest mistakes, I guess, that you find women, in particular, making?
Darnyell:             Oh, wow, that's always such a loaded question because there's so many mistakes that I think that we make but I always say, if I had to nail down the biggest, there would be three.
Number one would be the confidence and personal belief to build a solid thriving business. I don't know women … When I work with men, confidence is not their issue but when I work with women there's so much fear around, can they charge that much? Will people like them? So I would say that's the number one thing.
Number two, would be having a product and presenting that product in a package that is compelling, that other people will want to have access to. So, I'm going [inaudible [spp-timestamp time="00:03:34"] messaging, their messaging around the problem that they solve.
And then the third would be, charging more than it costs in order to perform a service.
Melinda:             Right, you know what's so interesting about that. You said their beliefs, their mind set. I think this is so fascinating because what I've come to realize as a serial entrepreneur in my time, is that I'm my own worst enemy. You know? If I can get past my own limiting beliefs, whether they're conscious … Or actually the scary ones are the ones you don't even know you have, right? Those unconscious things around money and, you know, making sure that we actually value ourselves. And so, what are some of those beliefs that you find that women have that maybe they don't even know they have?
Darnyell:             Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest one is, “am I enough?” I think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs and how everybody needs to feel that they matter and there's significance to their existence. And, I think, a lot of people … We're talking mostly about women, really struggle with having a firm grasp and can stand flat-footed confidently that their existence matters beyond the surface. And I think that that happens … And it's because, largely of a little something I like to call, the boxes that we create. I believe that, you know, most of us believe a seven-year-old version of ourselves is running our life or running our business.
Melinda:             Oh that's scary.
Darnyell:             It's very scary. It's very, very scary. But when we're born, we're only born with a subconscious mind. We're not born with a conscious mind and a conscious mind is created based on our subconscious mind taking in everything it can … Positive, negative, good, bad, indifferent … Every single experience that we take in from birth through the age of seven is how we form our conscious beliefs. So, most of us are not seeing positive, life affirming stuff. We're seeing crap. We're seeing fear. We're seeing [inaudible [spp-timestamp time="00:05:36"]. We're seeing poor mindset and disposition and that is what becomes who we are. By the time we are seven, how we are is completely formed. And, unless, we learn how to undo those patterns and those beliefs that have been set by those around us, that have been disempowering, we will replay the same tapes over and over and over and over in every facet of our lives. And so, most women are trapped in that … “I'm not enough. You know, money was a problem in my household. If I have too much money it's going to cause fights because all my mom and dad did was fight over money or if there's not enough money’.”
I mean, just all kind of guck: that creates who we are and spills into our business careers. We don't even realize that it's there until we come up against a real wall because we want to do something that is outside of the parameters of what we believe, consciously or subconsciously. And then, it starts to create all of this [inaudible [spp-timestamp time="00:06:38"], all of this anxiety and all of this frustration. And the fears … We come face to face with them and we have to make a real decision and then that's when we realize that all along we've been hoodwinked and bamboozled because of something that we saw that we didn't even know that we were seeing when we were three or four or five or six years old.
So, I think that's probably the biggest underlying thing that creates this across the board in people but again, we're talking about women in perspective. The majority of the people that I have worked with have been women. I would say 90% of my clients, 90% of the attendees to my conferences, 90% of the audiences I speak to, are women.
And I see it, over and over and over again. And so, one of the things that I will often do with a client is have them retrace as much as they for those first seven years and what I have them do, is literally take a sheet of paper, Melinda, and number it from one to seven. And everything you can remember positive or negative, write it down. You can take it and you can [inaudible [spp-timestamp time="00:07:38"], if you can stay just around money, if we're dealing with raising your rates, you're feeling uncomfortable about charging the prices that you want so that you can have a six or seven figure business … We can do it around relationships. So, if you can't figure out why you can't keep a man … Like, I mean, you name it, it applies to every single area.
And so, literally starting it and writing down from one to seven, the things that they can recall and then going from there to eight to fourteen, and seeing how many of those patterns replicate. I did this myself, many years ago, with my therapist and I realized so many things, not just money mindset matters that have impacted the way that I ran my business up until me actually realizing that this existed and then starting to work my way out of it.
But, in relationships and sexual trauma. I mean, so many different areas of my life are things that happened in those first seven years just kept replaying. Because, that's what your subconscious mind does. It takes everything that's presented to it as if it's the truth and it will keep replaying what it knows until something new is presented. And often, we're not presenting something new because we're just existing, right? We're just meandering through life and my favorite example to explain that is, you know, you get in the car, you consciously remember getting in the car. You remember starting the car and then the next thing you know, you're sitting in your driveway or on your street. [crosstalk [spp-timestamp time="00:08:58"] And cannot recall … right?
Melinda:             Isn't that scary? And you think, God where was I?
Darnyell:             That's the power of your subconscious mind. It can literally drive you home from memory.
Melinda:             Right.
Darnyell:             That's not good.
Melinda:             Right.
Darnyell:             So, we've all fallen victim to that.
Melinda:             Yeah, absolutely. Well it's so difficult, I think, for a lot people to even be in the present moment. I mean, often we're in the past or we're in the future. Or we're striving for some future thing and the power, really, and your future is being created by what we're doing here, you know, right now. But those unconscious, you know, the unknown unknowns, those are tricky to elevate out. And I found that with a lot of the work that I have done with women and male entrepreneurs, but especially women, women are … It's not so much even fear of failure, it can be fear of success.
Darnyell:             Oh yeah.
Melinda:             Like, some people called it the tall poppy syndrome, where we're afraid to stand out and be successful, because somehow … What is it? We think we're going to be cast out from the tribe? Or like … What's the route of that?
Darnyell:             Yeah, and it's usually still something that happened in our childhood that we observed where, you know, you came home … I know it happened to me … You came home, you were excited you got an A or whatever the case might be and you get reamed by your parent for getting an A. Because they had a bad day or whatever the situation was and then, you're like … You'd never want to feel that way again so instead of shining, you'll dim your light. I call that, you know, your inner incredible stature. So … But we all, or many of us have experienced that as women or watching our mother … If we happen to have been raised by our mother … Watching our mother constantly dim her light behind her man. Or in lieu of creating anything that might create a ruckus. [crosstalk [spp-timestamp time="00:10:58"] those things that we see, they become who we are, how we show up and what we do. And before we know it, it's our life and we can't backpedal our way out of it easily. It becomes really hard inner work that most of us are afraid to do because we don't want to face those things that we've, kind of, put in the box. And just let sit over in the corner hoping that it would never rear its ugly head.
Melinda:             Yeah, but they end up driving our lives.
Darnyell:             Oh, absolutely.
Melinda:             Until you confront all that stuff … So, I joke with my entrepreneurial friends, right? But the best therapy in the world is just become an entrepreneur … I mean …
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             Because, it's going to force you to figure this out if you want to succeed because it's hard enough to ride that roller coaster. Especially the sort of entrepreneurs who are going out there and innovating and creating new markets for things, inventing new products, seeing problems where there's a gap. It's all reinvention every day and like so many things beyond your control … So I guess if you don't figure out that inner thing, the outer is not going to go so well.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             And so, one of the things that I've noticed and I've seen this in myself too … Where sometimes I won't … Say, in like the context of raising capital for a business or asking for a loan or during a deal, I have noticed, myself, in the past … Less and less … But negotiating against myself. You know, whether it's just not asking for what I truly need.
Darnyell:             Uh hmm (affirmative).
Melinda:             I'm a little bit too conservative in that. But, actually, throwing extra things in or … I don't know how it like … It manifests in a bunch of different ways. But, you know, I finally came … Oh my God, Melinda, you're not valuing yourself, how do you expect anyone else to value you if you don't value yourself?
Darnyell:             Absolutely. And I think, you know, I've definitely had my share of dealing with that in my entrepreneurial career. And even when I was in corporate America, the first few promotions I got, I didn't realize that I had negotiation power. Because you don't know what you don't know! And so, you do what you know to do until you learn that there is something else that you can do. And so, then I started to attend personal development events. I started to learn about the power that I had and the talent that I brought to the position that I was in, in the organization where I was servicing. And so, then in those latter promotional meetings, I could negotiate, and I was able to make way more money that had I known it at the beginning, I probably would have gotten to six figures in my corporate career a lot sooner than I did.
So, a lot of us, we don't know what we don't know. And we have this fear of asking because then that means someone is going to figure out that we don't know it all. I call it posturing up, right? So, we posture up like we've got it all going on and everything's amazing and it's raining in our business and nothing is ever going wrong because we have to look like everything is perfect. When behind the scenes, we're really a mess and we really need help but we really need to just say, “Please help me”, but we can't possibly do that because people see us as this. And if they knew the truth, they would … Or whatever the lies are that we tell ourselves … Whatever it is that we've come to believe that keeps us from taking the steps to make the differences we need to make to get access to what we want. But eventually, Melinda, especially as you get in the right personal development circles … As you start to really lean into and believe into what it is that your bring to the table … Once you start getting results for other people, you tend to do that a lot less. You know, I was even excited, as you said, less and less.
Because I know that's been my story. In the early years, I probably … I mean, I probably could have charged maybe two or even three times than what I charged for everything that I give and now I can stand flat footed in my rates and say, “Listen, I know what I bring to the table. I know what's going to happen when you work with me and this is what it costs if you want to work with me. You can go work with someone else if you like and I won't be upset with you but if you want to work with me, then this is the investment that you're going to have to make.”
And it does, unfortunately, take women … Or at least it appears to take women longer to get there when they don't have the right support so being in the right community, having the right mentors is such an important thing to do. I mean, it's true, the clichéd statistic … You become like the five people with whom you spend the majority of your time and if you're spending your time with people who are struggling then you are in the struggle too. So you really have to get out of that and get into a circle of people where you're the dumbest, you're the one who's making the least amount. You know, those types of things are going to be important because then they raise you up. They give you that power and they give you that level of comfort to see yourself differently and as a result you'll start to take actions.
Melinda:             Yeah, I love that quote … I forget who said it but if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             I mean, I find the support network is absolutely crucial for entrepreneurs. It is, and can be, very lonely … You know, CEO level as well. Because there's so many things that you do that very few other people actually even understand. You know, unless they've been there and done it themselves? And so, to surround yourself with networks, particularly of other women, who have your back … Like, they're not competing with you or pulling you down.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             Or really, kind of, you know … This is one of the reasons I launched this podcast because I really wanted to be the change I want to see in the world. And I think how amazing for women to really step up and affirm and acclaim each other and invest in each other's businesses, write checks for each other. You know, that … However that manifests it's so important that we're all there for each other. So, I loved that you raised the mentoring thing. How does that manifest for you in your life? Do you have a number of different circles or just a couple of close mentor?
Darnyell:             So, I have both. One of the things that I do is I evaluate the people with whom I spend my time every single quarter. It is that important. It's a very quick evaluation.  I literally write them down and then I will give them a plus if they're positive, a minus if they're not positive, and a slash if they could go either way. If they could go either way, then I give them one more quarter to influence me, one way or another. All the minuses have to go, all the pluses get to stay, the slashes they got to get off the line, right? Because we can't straddle the fence!
Melinda:             That's badass. I love that.
Darnyell:             Yeah, I've been doing it for years. Even before I was an entrepreneur, I was following this process. My circle has always been small and tight but it's extremely important for me to constantly be surrounded by edification. And so, that's what is important and so that's what I focus on. I probably have five people that I interact and talk with about everything … That I know they're not going to sugarcoat it for me but they are also going to be edifying and building up and show me where my weak spots are and tell me what to do.
And then from a mentoring point of view, I have both, you know, paid and non-paid mentors that add value to the things that I'm doing. And, all of them, same thing … They're more edifying than they are anything else but they are also not willing to just let me slide. They are going to always be a mirror of what I can be and present that to me. And so when I'm going through the process of looking for a mentor, especially if it's a mentor I'm going to invest in, and I definitely invest in myself because I ask people to invest in me and I would never be hypocritical and say, “Oh yeah, you should hire me but I'm going to not hire anyone.” And also, because none of us can see our blind spots, right? We always need somebody else who can see the things that we can't see. But I will always go through the process of making sure that they align with who I am, their values, their beliefs, and all of those things align because that's extremely important to me.
And then, I'm also looking for their track record of success. Like, not only whatever they've done in the past but what are they currently doing and are the things that they're currently doing, things that I want to do. Can they add value to the conversations I would need to have and can they think beyond me? Because if they can't see those blind spots in the timeframe that I'm talking to them about whatever it might be, then we have a problem and they can't be my mentor. I'm always thinking about that as well, in order to be able to make sure that I'm constantly surrounded by good and goodness. Because that built me up and it gives me the power to continue to do the daring things that I do. Because it's not always easy right? And I think some people make it look extremely easy.
Melinda:             Oh, it's not. It's not. I mean, I think there are a lot of things that you can do to increase your odds of success or make your own luck. But, you know, there's still going to be things that are a little bit beyond your control.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             One of those things that it is in your control is the people that you hang out with. And, I think even … I think where it gets tough for some women is just when family, friends, husbands, lovers, partners, aren't really 100% in it with them or they're struggling with their own limiting beliefs and they end up expressing their fear in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             I mean, even in saying things like, “Are you sure you're okay?” Like, they mean well but it's what they've got to give. But, sometimes things like that can be really unhelpful. So, like, what do you do if you're, you know, for women who are in, say, a marriage or relationship or their best friend or whoever … Non-business people …
Darnyell:             Uh hmm. (affirmative)
Melinda:             … Are kind of interfering with their mojo.
Darnyell:             Yeah, that's definitely a tough one and, you know, it's a lot more challenging to get out of those situations. I mean, a best friend, you can cut them off at whatever point. I know I have ended friendships with people because they just weren't moving. And, I think everybody is impacted by what I call the mirror effect. So, we're always presenting ourselves as a mirror to the people around us. Sometimes, the image that's looking back at you in the mirror is luck, wow I'm beautiful, and sometimes, oh I'm the ugliest thing there is. And typically, when you're the latter, is because the person you're talking to doesn't have the courage to do whatever it is that you want to do and so, in order, to prevent from moving too far ahead of them, they want to dissuade you from taking the actions that are going to lead you to a different place.
And that's never good. So, in those particular instances, you have to be strong and you have to believe in yourself more than you believe in that friendship. When it's a marriage situation, again, something that's legally binding and a little bit harder to get out of, it's going to be time to really have those difficult conversations. And, part of that, is going to be owning your truth and saying, “Listen, I understand that you're not an entrepreneur. I understand that you don't get it but here's what I need from you.” And allowing them the opportunity to make the changes and modify in order to give you what you need and if you still continue to find that they're not giving you what you need then you've got some hard decisions to make.
I think the other thing that's increasingly important when your friends and your family don't get it, is that you do have a community of people who do. And, like you said earlier, you can choose where you spend your time and you can choose how much time you spend there. And so, you have, always have, the ability to shift where you're spending your time and no one says you have to spend your time in places where you're not getting, you know, the fulfillment that you need to keep moving. It's going to be tough when you don't have that in your immediate circle that's not supportive but there are places where you can go to get access to what you need. And then, you're still at some point going to have to decide: is this a place that I want to be? Or is this a place that's not for me? And not that I'm trying to suggest divorce or any of those things, but …
Melinda:             Well, I got one.
Darnyell:             … But I think …
Melinda:             I mean, I did, I'm laughing about it now.
Darnyell:             Yeah.
Melinda:             But when you're in something like that and it starts to … Without going into my long story about it, you know, but when you're in something like that and it really is limiting you and it's stopping you from being you … And it can become toxic. And, you know, often, I think women stand these things … I know I did … Longer, far longer than I should. I mean, you know, for my kids and all of that. But ultimately, if something's toxic like that … I remember my business at the time and I'm a serial entrepreneur and I remember it wasn't really going so well. And, I was thinking, hmm I wonder what's holding me back? Like, everybody around me was like, “You're kidding.” Like, it's really … It's obvious. You're with a guy who's talking you down, like all the time.
And, you know, it's, it's, it was an interesting thing to come to terms when you're in a situation like this and I share it because I know that a lot of women end up in those situations and it can destroy your confidence but it can also be the catalyst that pushes you where you're supposed to be.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             The catalyst for tremendous personal growth. And so, that's kind of, like, where I'm at now. You know, listening to you, Darnyelle, you're one of the most evolved people. I mean, really, I'm all about conscious leadership and I hear you talk and you're so inspiring and where did all this knowledge come from? Like, what was the awakening or the way that you came across this really enlightened thinking? Because it's critical to business success! But where did it come from in you?
Darnyell:             I'm, I started chuckling because it probable comes from years and years of therapy from being screwed up as a child.
Melinda:             Right. Right. Right.
Darnyell:             And, you know, outside of that, I got into personal development in my 20s. So, I was in corporate America and I worked for an amazing company that believed in the people. Like, they really understood that the only differentiator you have are the people that you have working for you. And, as a result, they poured a lot into us. We had a lot of amazing, motivational, inspiring people come in and lead trainings and workshops and all of that kind of stuff. We were getting coaching before coaching was a thing. And, so I think that started it. Because it was very different from how I grew up and what was around me in my day-to-day. And as a result of that, I started to seek it because it made me feel good, it gave me life, you know. So I started seeking. So I was reading a book a week at that point in time and I was devouring any personal development experience I could find. And I did things like Landmark Educations, The Forum and all of that kind of stuff that, really, was the bedrock of the foundation that I've built on.
And I've studied a lot of this human psychology, how we think and how we perform and all of that kind of stuff … Just for my own edification but also to be able to add that value to the people that I work with. And, you know, throughout my career, the thread that has run through it has been that it's always been about helping people achieve more. Regardless of whether I was working for a company or working for myself, it's always been my thing. And then, you know, as I started to get older in my 30s, I really started to seek out more understanding for myself and a big part of that being, you know, my spirituality and my spiritual relationship and connection to God and allowing myself to really flourish in that way. And that opened up a whole new world for me.
And again, a constant seeking and learning and then applying and trying and working through it with clients and deepening and those types of things have occurred. But there was also, probably about 20 years of therapy, thrown in there.
Melinda:             Right, yeah, well you know, likewise. And, I mean it's incredibly helpful. So when you think of a couple resources or books, say, that were really important to you or turning points for you, are there a couple that you could share with the listeners that really they'd benefit from reading?
Darnyell:             Um, that is a great question. I'm actually going to turn around and look at my bookshelf because I've got …
Melinda:             Because you've got so many, right? I can imagine.
Darnyell:             ] I would say one of my favorites that I refer … Actually I have three favorites that I refer to everyone and I give them to all of my clients.
The first is Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks. And that is based on the spiritual principle and the law of attraction. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, which is really about busting through your limitations and getting out of your own way. And then the third one is A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi. And A Happy Pocket Full of Money is for the person who struggles with money consciousness. And especially in entrepreneurship and learning how charge profitably. There usually is some type of break that has occurred in the way that you look at money based on the way that you were raised. So, either you have this sense of entitlement because money was there and there was never any struggle around it, and that entitlement makes you lazy in your business. Because you just think that because you have a website and you told people and you have a business card and you told them what you do, they should just come and hire you. Or it could be that, there was always a lot of lack so there's this pressure and this struggle around money and the thought of having it makes you think you won't be able to keep it.
So, either of those things, it really helps you break through. I would say those are probably … Those are the three that came into my mind first so I would definitely say start there.
Melinda:             Okay, they just went on my list. I'm a voracious and so many of the successful entrepreneurs that I've seen out there read, like they're endlessly curious … Always wanting to know and be better. So thank you for those, those are awesome.
So, I've seen you speak. You're a very … You're just an amazing speaker. You blew my mind. I saw you at a conference about a year ago and not only were you an amazing and inspiring speaker but you were a damn great salesperson. I swear to God, everyone in that room signed up for you thing, right? [crosstalk [spp-timestamp time="00:29:59"] I mean, seriously, you had your assistants with the forms and we were like all filling them out and it was amazing. And I remember leaving that room and thinking, “What just happened? That was, just like, phenomenal. Like that was amazing.” So how did you learn to do that? Did it take a lot of practice to just be able to be so self assured and so confident in the sale and also to sell without appearing that you were selling, you know? I mean, you really nailed that as well. [crosstalk [spp-timestamp time="00:30:28"] I mean, how did you get to be so good at that?
Darnyell:             Thank you, first and foremost, just thank you for that. It is a lot of work and a lot of study and a lot of preparation. Because there's, for me, it's important to be more about service than it is to be about sales but you can't help people solve their problems if you don't create an opportunity for them to invest to get access to the solution that they want. So, I've done a lot of work around that. You know, prior to starting my own ground up business, I was a Mary Kay cosmetics sales person and the best thing I can tell you about having participated in a direct sales company … I mean, I had a top unit, we had a pink Cadillac, all that good stuff, is that you really learn about how to sell from the vantage point of service. And people want … You know, there's the cliché, which is very true that no one wants to be sold … Everybody wants to buy, but no one wants to be sold. So, you have to learn to communicate and position the challenges that they have, align with the solutions that you provide in a way that makes the most logical step to buy without you having to say, “Come buy this.”
And I think sometimes that is the hard part for people to do. I mean, with my clients we spend a lot of time on sales and sales conversations because it is a skill that you can learn. So that's the good news. If it's not something you do naturally, you can definitely learn how to do it. But there is an art to doing it so that people feel supported so that they feel that there's love on the other end of the transaction and not just that they're going to be a number or a notch in your belt, throughout the process.
And then, as far as the speaker in my, that is all natural talent. Like, I've not really done any speaker classes or training or whatever. It's interesting because I've gone to a few over the years because school is never out for the learner and so, I've gone to these trainings and I'm like, “Oh wow, I do that automatically. How did I know how to do that?” So, that's how I know that it's just part of my gift.
But the sales part of it, is definitely been something that I've spent my time studying and I teach it so whenever you are going to teach something, or at least for me, let me talk about myself, I don't do theory. I only do things that I actually know will work, which is part of the reason my clients get such great results in short periods of time because I cut out all of the middle man and the what ifs and the hypotheses. I'm able to tell them exactly what to do because I know exactly how it will work because I did it freest. And so, as a result of that, I have done a lot of testing and I've tried a lot of different approaches and figured out which ones are the most successful and then those are the ones that I teach to my clients.
And that's been a big part of it. But, I just think that when you're … when you are good at what you do, and your confidence … Who you are naturally shines through, people are going to be drawn to you and I'm an extremely confident woman so, I think, that talking about those mirror moments that I talked about earlier, I present myself in such a way that the mirror that they're looking at me through shows them what is possible for them and they're willing to make an investment to get access to something they don't believe they have on their own but could become within their reach if they're working with the right person. And so, I think, that's a big part of it too.
Melinda:             Yeah, I think, that was very true actually. I mean, I hear you analyze what you did and it's absolutely right. I mean, on one hand, very much walking your talk with authenticity. I mean, because you know it works because you've done it, I think that's really, really critical. But, also this point about creating value, you know, if you create value and if you make your sale about the other person rather than about you, that's huge. I mean, in my world, around social media, we have even developed a score for it called Return on Authenticity. Because, people on social media don't want to be sold, you know? They want to have a relationship and I … And there's a lot of good stuff that comes from that relationship so it's such a similar thing in a way, in a different medium. Everything I hear you say, you know, translates there as well.
Darnyell:             Uh hmm. (Affirmative)
Melinda:             So, what do you think of, say women right now … You know I'm really struck by a stat that I read not so long ago that by 2020, something like 40% of the population will be gig workers, that is, freelancers or people who are going from gig to gig or you could describe them as solopreneurs. You know, people with lots of side hustles, that kind of thing.
Darnyell:             Uh huh. (Affirmative)
Melinda:             40%. And so it means, increasingly, we all … Even if you're not an entrepreneur, you need entrepreneurial skills and so a lot of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s even, remaking themselves, reinventing themselves. What advice would you give those women who suddenly have to pick up skills, entrepreneurial skills that they've never really thought of having before but know they need?
Darnyell:             Yeah, that's a great question. I would say, you know, the first thing would be to study, like to do as much research as they can and come across people who can help them. So, you can try to figure it out all on your own but that's the wrong approach. It's just going to take way too long. You know, time is the one thing none of us can get more of and so you want to find somebody who already has a system that is working and work their system. So, starting the process by looking at all of the available coaching and mentorship options that are out there. And the good news is that there are plenty. And then not just, and instead of just finding one and landing on it but going through the process of making sure that they're the right fit for you and going through your research and due diligence about the results and their approach and make sure that it feels good, it will be authentic.
And then studying as voraciously as you possibly can to get access to the skills and the community that's going to support you as you endeavor to do all of these things. The good news is that entrepreneurship and small business continue to be the backbone of our economy and our country so there are lots of resources that are available to be able to help new giggers, as you called them …
Melinda:             Giggers, yes.
Darnyell:             … Coming out into the marketplace to be able to do it. And there's a lot of great online directories and tools and places where they can get themselves listed that will make getting access to some of these gigs even easier for them, which is really cool. And I would just caution … There's just a tremendous amount of noise out there, there's a lot of noise so do your research and do your due diligence. I can't tell you, Melinda, the number of times I've met a newer entrepreneur or a person who is a contract worker just looking for that next gig that made the wrong decision because they jumped on the first thing that they can find out of desperation instead of really understanding what it is that they could do in order to be able to be successful in it. And so, I just want to stress that.
But, I think it's exciting to think about 40% of our population moving in this [inaudible [spp-timestamp time="00:37:55"]. I think it says a lot about entrepreneurship. It makes it really attractive and viable. I mean, I know I've been a full-time entrepreneur for, you know, how many years … seven years? And I couldn't imagine at this point going back to have a nine to five job. Like, I couldn't imagine that. I love the lifestyle of entrepreneurship, especially as you really settle into what it is that you do and what you bring to the table and you get a level of comfort there and you get the right systems and strategies operating for you consistently. It becomes much more fun and you get much more flexibility whereas, in the early years, I was probably working my business way more than I worked my job because I was getting all of that stuff established.
So I think, you know, it's great for what's coming and I think that that is a lot of opportunity for people like me and you that help them get access to what they need to be able to generate what they need to generate in order to support their families and their households.
Melinda:             Yeah, and, you know, another one I'm actually curious about what you think about this.
Don't be afraid to fail and then when you do fail, all you're doing is testing a hypothesis so it's okay, don't take it personally.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             ‘Cause I think as women, we often take it personally. ‘Oh my God, it must mean something about me' … Like on some existential level, but like the failing part … I mean, I know this as a tech entrepreneur, oh my goodness, you know, like every piece of code, you know. I know there are so many things just getting the right product market fit. I mean, oh man, a lot of stuff beyond your control. Making sure you have the right people. I mean, there are so many things. And so there's lot of ways that it can go wrong but every experience is a learning experience and you can build on it. And, I'm curious, you know, I'm a big believer in, sort of, the power of alchemy and how can we turn the coal in our lives into diamonds?
Darnyell:             Uh hmm. (Affirmative)
Melinda:             How can women take, say what she perceives as her biggest mistake, and perhaps turn that into her actual superpower for success?
Darnyell:             Mmmm, that's a really good question. How can she take her [inaudible [spp-timestamp time="00:40:08"] and turn it into a superpower? So I would say it's totally possible. It is going to take work and it is probably going to take help from an outside force. It's probably not going to be something that she can do on her own and the main reason that I say that is because again we can't see our blind spots. So if we're talking about her biggest opportunity for improvement or weakness, the likelihood that she's going to know exactly what she has to do to turn that weakness into a strength is low. Not that it's impossible but knowing and doing are two different things. And having the courage to take the steps to do it and even knowing what to do to make it a strength because if she knew how to make it a strength, would it not be a strength already?
Melinda:             Right.
Darnyell:             And so, if it's a weakness, it's probably because it's something she's attempting to do by herself. So, I would say, you know, getting access to someone: a coach, a mentor, a therapist … Depending on what it is, right? Therapy is not the answer for everything but getting access to someone who can evaluate what has been done and help you to course correct. And figure out what needs to change and is available for accountability as you test. Because seldom is it going to be, “Oh just do this and voila.” It's going to be “Okay let's try this. Oh, that worked. Okay, cool.”
Melinda:             What you're saying is so profound because these things are always seen with 20/20 hindsight because you can look back in your life and say, “Oh my God, that was the moment that really crappy thing that happened to me.”, that's the thing that made me see, that's the thing that was the catalyst that made me change how I was doing it and that's the reason for my success but when you're in it, it's really hard to see.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             It was sort of a trick question, I'm sorry.
Darnyell:             No, no, no, I thought it was a great question.
Melinda:             So, one last thing before we wrap up, I'm always curious about people's … You know, how women do the kind of work/life balance? Although I hate that term, I keep calling it work/life integration instead.
Darnyell:             Yeah, uh hmm. (Affirmative) Me too.
Melinda:             How you take time for not only your business but, you know, friends, partners, children but also really importantly, yourself? Like, time for yourself.
Darnyell:             Yeah.
Melinda:             How does that … What's your routine? How does that all manifest for you?
Darnyell:             Yeah, so I definitely don't have the secret, the magic pill on the integration but I will say it is extremely important. One of the many things that I practice, that works very, very well for me, is the principle of tithing. So I tithe time to myself … So if, you know, there are 40 work hours in a week then that would mean that 4 hours a week I need to be spending time on self care.
Melinda:             Okay, I'm borrowing that. I'm going to start doing that. That's awesome.
Darnyell:             Yeah, so it has worked extremely well and you know, you can do it based on just the work week or you can do it on the full week. You know, how many take 7 x 24 and that gives you whatever and 10% of that is what you're doing … Giving back to yourself. So that could be getting your nails and toes done, that could be getting a massage, that could be meditating, that could be reading. It doesn't include sleeping because the assertion is that you are getting eight hours of sleep every night no matter what.
Melinda:             So you can't tithe sleep? Oops, oh well.
Darnyell:             I mean, if you want to use for your extra 10%, if you want to get more sleep, oh, go, have at it but you should be getting eight hours. I believe in the principle of living in the eighths. Eight hours to work, eight hours to sleep, eight hours to enjoy your life every day. So, I try my best to do that. There are times when it works perfectly, and there are other times when I'm scrambling and there's a lot of things going on. But, for me, I know that if I am not at my optimal I can't help anyone. So, I listen to my body. I give my body what it needs and I allow that to determine what I'm spending. I'm not afraid to elongate a project if I need to because I need more time. Like, I'm just really, really in alignment and in tune with what I need to do and it took me awhile to get here so I'm not trying to suggest that anyone who's going to listen to this, that you will go to bed a blunder and wake up a wonder. It is a process, years in the making of me doing this work that I now have a rhythm that works for me.
But I would highly recommend thinking about living in the eighths and, you know, and having your own business … And this is another thing I think entrepreneurs get wrong. They work and they fall into this whole hustle and grind mentality and I don't think that entrepreneurship is about hustling and grinding. I think entrepreneurship is about having the right systems and the right support to do what you need to do. You don't have to do it by yourself and I don't know why outside of the fee or of paying other people, people don't want to do it but if you're charging what you should be charging, you'd have money to pay other people to support you. But, that's probably a whole other podcast.
But, I would just say make sure that you take care of number one. Because if you're not any good, you're not going to be any good to anyone else and, I don't know about you Melinda, but I don't think very well if I don't get enough sleep. You know, my ability to strategize and really help people solve the problems that they have in their businesses goes down dramatically if I don't have eight hours of sleep. So, that's really, really important to me! And those are the types of things that I just make non-negotiable. So, I think every woman, every person needs to create their own non-negotiables and stick to them because if you're unwilling to put yourself first and do what you need to do for you, how in the world are you going to be able to do it for anyone else? You're of no good to your clients, your community, your children, your mate, none of them … You're not good to any of them if you're not taking care of yourself.
And people tend to love, respect and serve you the way that you love, respect and serve yourself. And so, if you're not creating an example for them to follow, that could be the reason why you're not getting what you want.
Melinda:             Oh, that is so beautifully said. Anyone out there that thinks that it's great to be a martyr or to pay themselves last or any of that, you know, Darnyelle, you nailed it. I mean, the business wouldn't be, you know, but for you so you got to take care of yourself.
Darnyell:             Right.
Melinda:             You're like, the number one asset and value driver, valuation driver, you know, of your business. So, we always like to give all our guests the opportunity to do the call to action. How can people, women out there who want to work with you, Darnyelle, kind of contact you? Is there any offer that you want to provide them today? I love, I love to … Part of my mission is to support other women in business and so, that's why I love the call to action.
Darnyell:             Oh yeah, absolutely, so I would love to give you guys an opportunity to connect with me and my team directly. And the best way for me to do that is for me to offer you a gift, you know, I've always believed you never go anywhere without a gift. So I have a gift for you and that is, I created an audio CD many years ago and it's such a profound work so if you've enjoyed the conversation that Melinda and I have are having, the CD is just going to continue that for you. It's called 7 Critical Mistakes that Even Smart Entrepreneurs Must Avoid For Clients' Connection and Cash Flow. If you want more clients, you want to be better connected to yourself, to your community, to your higher power, and if you want more cash flow and I don't know anybody who doesn't, then you're going to love this CD. It's based on the seven mistakes that I made on my journey to building a seven-figure business and I'm very transparent. I share with you what I did and I also share with you what I did to correct, to stop making the mistakes and start making more money. And, it's a great way to introduce you to myself and my community.
You can go to bizmistakescd.com and that will start our relationship. Once you opt in and request your CD, we'll send it to you in the mail or you can get the audio download if you don't want to wait, because yes, we will put a physical CD in the mail to you for those of you who still have CD players. It's a great addition to your professional success library and then, what'll happen is you'll hear from my team. We want to get to know a little more about you and learn about the challenges you're having on the path to growing your business to see if there's anything that we can offer to help you to get to where you want to go faster, without sacrificing your sanity and positioning yourself to experience more abundance financially and spiritually. So, bizmistakescd.com, bizmistakescd.com.
Melinda:             Yeah, and that's awesome, you know, Darnyelle. That's a very generous gift. Also, if you're listening to this podcast and you missed that, that link will be in the show notes, as well, so you can find it there. So, Darnyelle, this is so inspiring. I want to thank you for putting on your super-shero wings and flying with us today.
Darnyell:             My pleasure, it's been my pleasure. I had a great time. I've had a great conversation. You've asked me some great questions and really made me think so I'm glad that you feel that I added value. Thank you so much for having me.
Melinda:             Oh my goodness, yes you did. Darnyelle Jervey, CEO of Incredible One Enterprises.

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