236 MINISODE Alexandra Stockwell: Evolved Entrepreneurship

Alexandra Stockwell is a family physician turned entrepreneur and relationship coach, guiding men and women to bring pleasure and purpose into all aspects of married life ­­and create emotional and sensual intimacy. She shares her advice on self-care, what entrepreneurs need from relationships and why women entrepreneurs are uniquely positioned to solve major societal challenges with evolved consciousness.

Melinda Wittstock:         Alexandra, welcome to Wings.

Alexandra Stockwell:     Thank you, it's such a pleasure to be here Melinda.

Melinda Wittstock:         I'm so excited to talk to you and I always like to start these minisode episodes with what is inspiring you right now?

Alexandra Stockwell:     The thing that's inspiring me is the way to many people are coming together to help victims of the fires in California, both Northern California and Southern California. People are giving and showing up and really forming community in a way that is nourishing in the face of all of the devastation.

Melinda Wittstock:         Alexandra, thank you so much for saying that because I have close friends here in this area who’ve lost homes or may be still losing their homes. I have some other friends who groups of us got together and actually held hands and prayed for and their homes were miraculously saved. Which is an incredible thing. Just looking out the window right now, being here in San Francisco and seeing the smoke and breathing it in, and oh my goodness this feels so different. How devastating for a community.

Alexandra Stockwell:     It really is, and it touches all of us. I have four children. My youngest is seven, and each day I have to wonder, do I keep him inside which in the short term seems more damaging, if you will. Or do I let him go outside and play, which he's yearning to do. And then I wonder what is the long term consequence.

But I just want to share super quickly, I was really inspired yesterday because I moved two weeks ago and so I posted on our local neighborhood Facebook group that I have moving boxes available. And this woman came after putting her infant to bed and she took a bunch of boxes because she's donating all of the … Any stuff she doesn't need, clothes her kids have grown out of, to give to the fire victims.

And so she came to get boxes because it would be easier for the firefighters to transport it that way. And it just reminded me how, with a little creativity within whatever we have to give in terms of money or time or possessions, we all can help.

Melinda Wittstock:         This is so true. And there's so much challenge all around us in our world. What's specific to you?

Alexandra Stockwell:     You know, when I heard that question initially and I was very focused on business, the thing I wanted to say is what's frustrating for me is that I never know precisely what's going to happen next. And I love having my ducks in a row and being able to handle things. And as an entrepreneur it's frustrating not to know what's next so that I can meet the challenge with preparation and confidence and success.

But today when we're breathing this air and I'm in the San Francisco Bay area and it is what I imagine Beijing to be like, I think the thing that's most frustrating is wondering how we come together and each of us make the changes, the personal changes, professional and political changes so that we can really work towards a world which is safe to live in and safe in every sense.

Melinda Wittstock:         That's beautiful. I think women in entrepreneurship right now have a really interesting role to play. Because it is almost like, I mean we're very focused on evolved enterprise or conscious capitalism models where we can do really well and create profitable businesses by doing well for the world. And I think women tend to be attracted to those sorts of businesses.

But it seems like now something shifted. This is really needed. It's almost like there's a calling for us to use all our skills. And business is a really wonderful canvas in which to really inspire people to do amazing things and create the sort of social impacts that we really, honestly need to see in our world. Do you agree?

Alexandra Stockwell:     Oh, I agree so much. And I was recently in another context remembering that Einstein quote which is ‘You can't solve problems with the thinking you used to create them.' That's not it verbatim, but something like that. And I think what's so important is bringing more of a collaborative conscious capitalism approach to business is what it's going to take to solve some of the problems which result in our using up all of our resources without regenerating them and comparable problems.

Melinda Wittstock:         So tell me, just pivoting really into the hardcore business. Alexandra, in your career as an entrepreneur what are the top three go to pieces of advice that you would share with all female entrepreneurs that you have learned over the years?

Alexandra Stockwell:     I think the really most important thing is to commit to devoting some time to yourself every single day. And since I'm a relationship and intimacy expert, my orientation is towards to committed couples, I would also say to devoting some time with your beloved every day. Both of those so quickly just fall to the bottom of the list because there's no urgency, unless one's on the verge of divorce or something like that.

But all else being equal, we have all this urgency in business, our kids, just different things. And it's really important the same way we breathe fresh air to have time with yourself and time with your beloved.

Melinda Wittstock:         And so what would be advice number two?

Alexandra Stockwell:     My second piece of advice is that … Speaking now to women entrepreneurs and business people … To choose the kind of relationship you want to have, and then be the kind of woman who would be in such a relationship. So if you want your partner to be supportive, then be the kind of woman that inspires support. That it feels good to support. In other words, rather than looking for a relationship so you can be what you want to be, be that woman and let everything fall into place around that.

Melinda Wittstock:         Yes, I often say be the change that you want to be in the world. And so what's advice number three?

Alexandra Stockwell:     Advice number three is a communication tip that you can use with your partner. And actually, you can use it with anybody. But go ahead and get good at doing it with your partner. And that is when you have something to say, start by saying why it is that you want to share it and what your desired outcome is.

As entrepreneurs we are busy, we are stressed, we have all kinds of things going on. And there's a certain amount of efficiency and clear communication which is required to feel good. And sometimes I have a complicated communication to make, and that is going to go far better if I say why I'm saying it and what the desired outcome is.

So for example, I might say to my husband I'm going to tell you something because it's really been irritating me and it's getting in the way of me connecting with you, and my desired outcome is that we feel more connected afterwards and have a lovely evening together. And then I might go ahead and tell him how annoying it is that he leaves dirty dishes in the sink when he's the one who leaves the house after. I don't want to come back to breakfast dishes.

And instead of feeling attached or like he's done something wrong, if I first said why I'm telling and what the desired outcome is, then he can listen and hear it in that context. And I'm pretty likely to get the outcome I want.

Melinda Wittstock:         So Alexandra, thank you so much for sharing that. And of course, gosh, we could talk for so long. I just want to make sure that people know how to find you and work with you.

Alexandra Stockwell:     Oh great. My website is alexandrastockwell.com. And if you go to the website and opt in I will send a free three-day course on how to get over feeling unseen and frustrated and have a juicy, nourishing relationship. No cost, you can just go to my website and sign up for it.

Melinda Wittstock:         Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for putting on your wings and flying with us.

Alexandra Stockwell:     I have loved it. Thank you, Melinda.

 

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